Fear is the Heart of Love

Love is one of those words that is always difficult to explain. Some say it's when two people care for each other. Others say it's when two people are compatible with each other. Then there are people who say love is when you get butterflies in your stomach whenever that person is around.

My definition of love is something different. You see, I have a theory about what love really is. My theory is; for one to be in love, one must fear love first. Think about it, before you ever get into a relationship or while in a relationship, you have to have some sense of fear. It's the fear of knowing you may never be with the one you love. It's the fear of losing the one you love to someone else. It's the fear of living your life without that person by your side.

Being in love is like having a job. Before you apply for a job, you have to know what you are getting yourself into and how your are going to make it through. If you go into a relationship thinking that it will last forever, it will surely end with great destruction.

I thought of the concept of loving God with fear. As a Christian, I love God, but I also fear Him, as any believer does. It's the belief that God is in control and He makes everything possible. If we put that into our love lives, then we too can be happy and successful.

Love is not just saying how much you love that significant other. Love is not just thinking about that person all the time. Love is not just being compatible or having common interests. Love is not just about getting butterflies in your stomach. People always say that true love should be easy. That is not true. True love takes hard work and time. If it does not take hard work and time, then it will not survive. Just because you and your partner have sex doesn't mean you'll be with each other forever.

In the movie, Dan in Real Life, one character says, "Love is not a feeling, it is an ability". You must know how to love to feel love. Love today is depicted from all the sappy love movies. If you're in love, rejoice, but don't think that because you are in love you are invincible. In the Bible, it says that love is patient. That's exactly what it should be. Just because you and your significant other have been dating a year doesn't mean you have to talk about marriage. Studies show that couples who talk about marriage while dating in high school (high school sweethearts) will end in divorce.

What I do is I try to prevent bad things from happening to people I care about and others whom I don't even know. I've seen this stuff happen before. Don't say that your love is different from everyone else, because it's not. Those who say that are exactly like everyone else. Those are particularly the ones who fail. Strive to make it last. Don't just take advantage of being in love. I know the words "fear love" sounds cynical and pessimistic, but if you don't fear love, every little thing will hit you like a bullet. You will not be prepared for anything.

To fear love is to honor and respect love. If you don't fear love, then you are just abusing love. There is no other way. You either be smart and safe in your relationship, or you do whatever you want and see where that leads you. I read so many myspace surveys where one person mentions the other person in almost every question. That is not love, it is an obsession. An obsessed relationship goes against my theory. What happens if something bad occurs to that other person? Suicide? Depression? If every little conversation or thought is about your significant other, then you need to realize that that person is not some divine being and is only human. Fear can only make a person stronger in their relationship.

Think of love as a Jenga set. If you keep pulling those pieces without observing it, studying it, and having patience, the whole thing will collapse. You see, you want to pull that piece from a safe spot and put that piece back on top of the tower. Whenever you pull a piece from the tower, you fear that your tower will collapse at any moment and you won't be prepared for it when it happens. However, the more you observe and become patient enough to look at the whole picture, your tower will never collapse and if it somehow does collapse, you will see where you went wrong and it will be easy to rebuild your tower.